Top 18 Highlights from Gaurav & Priya's Wedding

"Dear God, what did I marry?"

(Note: Ross decided to throw in his moronic two cents, so they are "highlighted" in the highlights in italics. He is sooo hot.)

It was a weekend full of “special moments,” but 18 in particular stand out.


Thursday:

1. At a fancy restaurant, to celebrate the fact that Vivek, Susan, Kristin, Xavier, Jessi, Ross and Vilas are all out to dinner together, someone proposes a toast. We all say “cheers,” and when Jessi fails to clink Ross’s glass, he reminds her to practice proper etiquette by holding up his glass and loudly reprimanding her from the other end of the table: “DIZZLE!”

2. At the bar, when hugging Ross goodbye, Gaurav drunkenly dumps a glass of beer down the back of Ross’s shirt. Everyone else then tries to get away with a simple goodnight handshake, to no avail.


Friday:

3. Looking for breakfast food in Vivek’s kitchen while he’s at work, Vilas and Ross find a packet of “bananas & cream” instant oatmeal.
Vilas: It’s too bad they don’t have one of those “brown sugar and….sugar” flavors.
Ross: You mean “Diabetic Surprise”?

4. Inside the hotel elevator, on our way out to the wedding dinner, Sharon, Erinn, Ross, Vilas and Jessi stand around casually talking for a few minutes. During a lull in the conversation, noticing we haven’t moved, Ross helpfully suggests, “Does somebody want to press a button?”

5. Playing drinking games in the hotel room after the dinner (thanks to Vilas letting us stuff his luggage full of Miller Lite cans): Erinn spewing beer all over the bed in a fit of laughter (surprise, surprise), Ross credit card swiping Sharon, Kristin’s rule in Kings that we address each other in poop-related names, Vivek’s and Jessi’s clothing swap, and Vivek sniffing people like a dog, among other things, like peeing on the couch (he was JUST trying to mark his territory).

That is NOT the horizontal mambo (someone tell Roni what that is).

Saturday:

Kristin's idea: a dancing picture. Roni's idea: New concept art for the next coming of Double Dragon.

6. While we are getting ready to leave for the wedding ceremony, Sharon, standing outside the hotel room door, announces that she can read Braille and then closes her eyes, touches the Braille dots under the room number and triumphantly declares, “205!” In case you were wondering, she was NOT declaring her IQ, which is much, MUCH lower, I’d say the square root of 205 is closer to correct.

Roni: Read THIS: :.-;:|:'..:

7. Erinn, while driving us to the ceremony, inexplicably speeds up after merging on the highway so that she can hurry and brake behind the traffic. This comes complete with vrooooom noises, so Erinn decides to comment on how her car has no pickup. “My car’s a little slow on the uptake,” she explains. Ross replies, “The car, or you?”

Then he slugged her right in the mouth, but her mouth enveloped his hand, and it disappeared into the black hole that is the abyss of her oral cavity.

8. During the Catholic ceremony, Vilas and Ross leaf through the program.
Ross: The way the names and roles are listed, it looks like movie credits!
Vilas: Jaya Pullukat…..oh, she was great in Gaurav and Priya’s Wedding!
Ross: She was also good in “The Usual Suspects.”

9. Also during the ceremony: Vilas continues to repeat “The Lord is compassionate to all His creatures” after everything the priest says in the next section of the ceremony.

10. Riding in the car on the way to the Hindu ceremony, Vilas discovers one of his superpowers: the ability to morph into a human seat belt.

Most human selt belts must also immediately fall asleep to be at all functional.

11. At the country club, we spot the “bag drop” sign. Ross urges Jessi to stand in front of it.

Looking bag-a-licious.

12. During the Hindu ceremony, just before the curtain between Gaurav and Priya is lowered in a symbolic gesture of their new union, Gaurav’s head pops up over the top of the curtain so he can peek down at Priya.

13. Vivek makes his entrance to the reception by sliding down the banister.

14. During the wedding reception, Kristin and Xavier get a glimpse into the level of maturity we also exhibited at their wedding, because our table becomes embroiled in an intense face-making competition.

Three loons and a stroke victim.

Pensive monkey, horny monkey.

Ross: Storing nuts for the winter. Jessi: Evading a nasty fart. Erinn: (insert joke here).

Sarcastically smiling with the physically disabled.

Ross: "Hehe, stupid face." Jessi: "Grrrr, camera!"

Well, I won't even start...

15. Erinn, who looked perfectly 25 years old at the wedding IN PERSON, takes a series of photos in which she somehow becomes Grandma Erinn. We later imagine she was saying things like, “Here’s a shiny nickel for you.” To be fair, Erinn does suffer from Alzheimer’s.

"Now pose for Nana!"

"Have you met my granddaughter, Jessica?"

"Am I in this photo-graph?"

16. Ross invents the “security guard” dance, in which he listens to an imaginary headset, talks into his wrist, and pulls Sharon’s arms behind her back with one hand while waving the other hand in the air above his head.

No, this is NOT the security guard dance, but look at me swing!

17. Erinn forgets to take her Verbal Imodium AD for her self-described “verbal diarrhea,” so when we are all lightheartedly congratulating Gaurav and Priya on their wedding and upcoming honeymoon in the Dominican Republic, Erinn chimes in with, “JUST SO YOU KNOW, THERE IS HURRICANE HEADED DOWN THAT WAY!”

18. Playing drinking games in the hotel after the wedding, Erinn lets loose with her characteristic hacking cough noises. “The Hoover--with a mating call like a penny stuck in a vacuum cleaner,” Ross observes.

Oh, and I think Gaurav and Priya might have been there, here's proof:

This is unlike any photograph they have EVER taken.