Rosco's Top Five

My latest, and not-so-greatest, addition to this lovely blog will be my awesome TOP FIVE list from the trip. The following, in no particular order are my top five things seen by yours truly on the voyage to the damned Dollywood.

THE BATMAN BUILDING
I am pretty sure Batman has been too busy in Gotham City to ever visit the monument built for him by all those friendly Nasvillians - or would they be Nashvillains. Leave it to some recently released convicts to sum up the sights and sounds of Ca$hville so succinctly. This building, I am certain, doesn't have a cape, so it by no means fulfills superhero definition.

Also, in discussing the building, I think that it is decidedly more Michael Keaton and less Adam West, but I'll let you be the judge:

Batman Building
Batman (Michael Keaton) (that's the Hilton next to him)
Batman (Adam West)

JESSICA STEINITZ AS SARGEANT SCHULZ AND BEETLE BAILEY
I won't give JD too much grief over this one, but I have to admit, that image of her rafting helmet struggling to stay on her head is going to be one of the most lasting of the entire trip. Now, I am no astrophysicist, but there must be some sort of unfounded theory that needs to be discovered - somehow, Jessi got a helmet that was bigger than her head, not to mention the fact that the netting inside was adjusted larger than her dome. This raises all kinds of scientific questions about Earth and the Universe that, unfortunately, I do not have the resources to answer - I mean, really, they made a helmet that big? It was sized larger also? Is there a Goliath to Jessi's David?

All kidding aside, here are some sweet pictures of Sgt. Schulz and Beetle Bailey. Enjoy.


OLD TIME PHOTOS AND WEDDING
Yep, they finally did it - one stop shopping. Several questions arise from this storefront, and in turn, a few assumptions can be made... first the assumptions:

- Apparently, they make more money from their Old Time Photo business than their weddin' bidness.

-It's pretty safe to say that the store owners, while in a competive Old Time Photo market, had to add the Wedding department to stay atop the largest market in Gatlinburg.

The questions:

- Did they have to make the "and Wedding" so small? I mean, this rivals the restraint and discretion of Kristin's big news. If you're going to do weddings, don't you want 'em big?

- Do you think that if you purchase a wedding plan that you get an old time photo thrown in? I mean, if you're getting hitched at an Old Time Photos, you want it to look like you got hitched in 1865, right? I mean, all the laughs you'll have when your friends remark on your weddin' pichure.

MY SWEET TAT
More than a sweet tat, it was a lucky tat - and you know why? Well, it quite clearly was a personal statement I had to make. It clearly defines my heritage - you know with that Olmeac, or Aztec, or Navajo woman with the headress - it's like they took a photo right out of the Conkey History Book (patent pending).

Also, it provided me with an unstoppable beer pong routine that resulted in a championship victory for Team Discovery Channel over the Southpaws.

BEER-SOAKED, SALSA-FIED OREO
Mmmmmm, mmmmm - that's good eating. And props to Sgt. Schulz for placing it in her mouth for all of three seconds. It sure looked delish, and it led a lot of us brandishing our bravado, "We would have eaten it!" Sure, we would have, sure.

I think it is in the next line of production for those fine little elves at Nabisco - first it was regular Oreos, then Double Stuf(f), then chocolate, hydrogen-infused Oreos for those with lactose intolerance, and now, the creme de la creme (so to speak) - Beer 'n Salsa Oreos (not for sale to minors or miners).

A couple of HONORABLE MENTIONS:
The Bear that said "Meh!" What a fuzzy little bastard he was.
The Scorpion Knife Display. A weaponized objet d'art - only in Tennessee.
The Hot Tub Scum. A beautiful site - a site for Steve's sore eyes.

Feel free to add your two cents in the comments section, I will be busy at "work."