As some sort of poor-man's high school reunion/random get-together, part of the gang recently met up in Puerto Rico. For some of us (ahem), it was our first voluntary trip to the island paradise, whereas others (Vivek) were returning to enjoy some more of the sights.
By 'sights,' of course, we mean 'wildlife,' since the highlights of the trip seemed to involve various non-human dwellers - how fitting, since Isla Culebra is itself named for an armless, legless, totally awesome creature. Here, in no particular order, are some animal-centred shenanigans.
There's no question it looks like a snake.Canis lupus familiaris
After our arrival in Culebra, following a brief air voyage from San Juan (complete with poking, slow-punching and Roni's mistaking a life jacket for a parachute...fortunately without disastrous results), we are picked up at the airport by our kind host Jerry. After settling us in, Jerry takes us in his van to get some groceries. In between jockeying for the prized lawn chair in the back of the otherwise empty van, we notice what must be the most delicious-looking dog on the island. Its dappled coat of smooth brown fur mixed with creamy white patches complements its frantic sugar-rush personality. There could only be one name for it...and thanks to Rosco, it is christened "Double Stuf." Its personality is then evoked multiple times throughout the trip with the phrase "Rawr-rawr-rawr everrrybody," to be pronounced at any time, relevant or not.
An artist's rendition of the dog named "Double Stuf."
Everyone is infected with Double Stuf's cheer in the back of Jerry's van. Vivek, being a gentleman, takes the prized lawn chair seat.Merlus Haggardi
After settling in at the cabin, the group makes its first awesome discovery of the trip: cassettes lining the wall and a boombox on the fridge. Rosco promptly makes everyone feel at home by playing some inimitable Merle Haggard, which then remains the background music for the rest of the trip, come hell or high water. A place where squares can have a ball, indeed.
A legend.Felis Catus, Part 1
At dinner on Saturday, the group heads out to Barbara Rosa's, a local restaurant/house. After taking several "am I in this photo-graph?" leaning-out pictures, we suddenly notice a small child playing (toying) with a local cat. Quickly dubbed "Cat Whisperer Jr.," the child decides the best way to communicate with the cat is to induce an epileptic fit, to be accomplished by waving a rather bright flashlight directly into the flinching cat's face.
Dizzle and Rosco lean to get out of the picture...but more to avoid Cat Whisperer Jr.'s deadly flashlight beam.Osteichthyes Randomi
On Sunday, after a refreshing wake-up whomp, followed by a tiring (for those of us who were quite out of shape) bike ride/less tiring scooter ride to the beach, we promptly proceed to use most of an entire roll of underwater film to capture alleged fish in the water. Although the 'alleged' portion is eventually dropped, the combined knowledge of five college graduates is insufficient to identify said fish. Oh, city folk.
Fish watching is also supplemented by more strenuous activities such as aquatic football, kung fu, and supra-aquatic gymnastics. Thankfully, no one is killed.
"I was told there would be fish."
With innate grace, Vivek attempts to blast the fish out of the water. Viperidae Inducula
One evening, an unsuspecting Vivek is stalked by a most sinister creature - the bra snake. Fortunately, the snake's dislike of cameras means Vivek is saved by this photo itself. This camera-shy nature also explains how Dizzle manages to survive despite her constant exposure to extra-large bra snakes. Camera obsessions are good for something after all.
There but for the grace of this photo goes he.Gallus gallus
The group quickly discovers that Culebra is home to one of the finest musical ensembles in the world, namely the Culebra rooster chorus. Every morning, at about half past two-hours-too-early, an orchestral group of roosters coordinates its hour-long chorus, complete with rooster harmonies and intricate chicken solos. Impressive, if it were hours later and took place with less regularity.
Bos Primigenius
Having procured some good ground beef for hamburgers, the boys are more than a little surprised to find they have actually purchased several skirt steaks. Never ones to shy away from meat (especially one of them...hiyooo), they improvise and make hybrid skirtburgers (a potentially horrifying euphemistic term).
Skirt steak vs. ground beef...a timeless debate. Felis Catus, Part 2
At some point during the first evening, the group encounters the native wildlife in the cabin, which consists of two very different felines. One, full of energy but generally benign, is immediately christened "Jen-Cat," in honour of a certain blonde ball of energy living back on the mainland. The second cat however, proves to be a worthy adversary - nay, archnemesis. Dubbed "Garfield Zero" thanks to his orange coat and svelte physique, his first substantial appearance involves walking over to the grill, looking for food, and somehow not finding the steak sitting there. Thankfully, the steak is rescued before his defunct nose eventually hones in on it.
Garfield Zero, unable to find the delicious meat... However, this façade of stupidity is only meant to lull the group into a false sense of security - at one point, Loos returns to the cabin from the patio, to proclaim to the ladies, "All three of [the men] are bleeding." After that, Rosco and Vivek also return, duly bleeding, and shut the door. Garfield Zero, with no mercy, starts scratching at the door, prompting cries of "He's trying to come inside to finish the job!" In this maul-a-thon, the final score is 3-0, Garfield Zero.
...proceeds to go on a bloodthirsty rampage.Equus ferus caballus
At one point, the group spots horses inexplicably parked at the local airport. Perhaps they are off-duty pegasi.
Osteichthyes Petrus
After a highly successful round of rock-skipping, Rosco engineers a delicious rock-fish and attempts to feed it to a very willing Loos. Screw cod-liver oil, this baby's got all the minerals you would ever need. Upon returning to the cabin, Roni promptly inundates the bathroom with rock-fish caviar by dumping a surprisingly large amount of sand out of her bathing suit.
Mmm...crunchy!Osteichthyes Deliciosus
Dinner on Monday takes place at Dinghy Dock, where patrons can come to eat by land or by sea. Rosco, Loos, and Vivek, upon seeing that the dining area is ringed with voracious fish, proceed to spontaneously utter the word "fish" in their best impression of a Kiwi accent. Witness the following conversation:
Dizzle: What are we doing tomorrow?
Ross: Fush.
Loos: Fush.
Ronestar: No, seriously, guys, what time do we need to be up tomorrow?
Vivek: Fush.
Lots and lots of fush.Overall, this trip provided all and sundry with an unexpected safari, minus the majesty of lions or the hypnotizing corpulence of hippos. Still, the local fauna, combined with the usual hijinks that accompany any of these get-togethers, made for a great reunion. To echo the oft-quoted slogan of the excursion:
It really hit the spot.
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